


Beginning Again

by avintagekiss24



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby Animals, Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Nightmares, POV Bucky Barnes, Rain, Rainbows, Wakanda (Marvel), White Wolf Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 20:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avintagekiss24/pseuds/avintagekiss24
Summary: A random day in Bucky's recovery while in Wakanda.





	Beginning Again

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible at summaries, lol.  
> Fill #6 for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019  
> Square Y2 - Wakanda  
> You can catch me on tumblr at avintagekiss24

_ Bucky stands over his target, watching as he tries to crawl away from him. The bloodied man digs his fingers into the dirt, pulling his heavy, limp body forward. Bucky pulls out a gun and slams in a new clip as the target begins to beg, “Oh god, please! Please don’t! Please!” _

 

_ Bucky points his weapon at the targets face.  _

 

Bucky springs forward, drenched in sweat, breathing heavily as the sound of the gunshot ricochets through his brain. He blinks furiously, half trying to adjust his eyes to the blinding sunlight, half trying to will the nightmare away. He slams his eyes closed and drops his head into his hand.  _ You’re alright. It’s okay. You’re okay.  _

 

He opens his eyes after a minute or two. His heart pounds in his chest as his breaths are still deep and ragged. His eyes zero in on a spot on the thin, multi-colored blanket that covers him. He can still hear the screams; see their faces. They come to him at night when he’s trying to find the only peace that someone like him can have. It’s not every night, which he’s thankful for. He actually thought they were going away because for a while, he didn’t have any. He sighs heavily, running his flesh hand through his stringy hair before covering his eyes again. 

 

Bucky rolls his head slightly in his hand to the small table by his bed. A lamp that he never uses sits on the hand crafted table, along with a folded up piece of paper. He reaches for it slowly, sliding it along the top of the table and pulls it to his face. 

 

_ Good morning Sergeant Barnes :)  _

 

His lips twinge at the corners. It’s not really a smile, but it’s not  _ not  _ one either. He enjoys his notes from Shuri every morning. Sometimes it’s a joke (that he doesn’t understand…  _ teenagers _ ), or sometimes it’s just a smiley face. Sometimes, she’ll write down lyrics to her favorite song at the moment. He likes those the best. She always seems to find the perfect words to match his mood. He likes Shuri the most. She’s nice to him, not because she has to be. 

 

He folds the note in half again and throws his feet over the side of the bed. He stands and moves into the bathroom, placing her note in the small hand woven bowl on his sink along with all the others. He stares at his reflection in the mirror.  _ Oh god, another day. _

 

It’s Tuesday, so Shuri won’t be by after school. It’s just him and the goats. After shrugging into some old clothes, he moves out into the brilliant sun. A few kids play off in the distance, a light breeze carrying their laughter and shrieks toward the one armed man. They call to him happily, howling like wolves. He obliges them and howls back, smiling slightly afterward. He feels a pull at his pant leg, followed by a loud bleat.

 

“Hey Dot.” 

 

His voice is soft as he leans over to pet the baby goat on the top of her head. Sarah, Steve, Rebekah, and Sam (the annoying one) soon join in the fray, bounding toward him from behind his small hut. He feeds them all, spreading out straw and hay for them, and plays with them just a little. He scratches behind their ears, lets little Dot and Sarah bite at his hair, and separates Steve and Sam when they start getting a little cranky with one another. 

 

After a while, he busies himself with yard work. He pulls weeds, transplants a few trees he found in the woods on one of his nightly walks to each side of his hut. He waters the small flowers accumulating around his front door. The purple ones remind him of Okoye, he’s not sure why. Maybe because in rain or sun or extreme wind, they still stand tall. They don’t wither in the winter, their colors don’t fade in the summer. They’re stoic, but add a much needed flash of vibrance to this old hut. He likes Okoye too. 

 

Bucky loses most of the afternoon to his mundane, but oddly relaxing chores. He’s not blowing shit up, or kicking people off of buildings. It’s a change of pace. He likes it. He doesn’t notice the sky turning dark or the gray clouds that flood the sky. A few fat drops of water fall on his head, alerting him to the change in the atmosphere. 

 

The wind has picked up, the laughter of the kids gone as they rush back home. Then, suddenly, there’s a rush of water falling from the skies. The goats scamper off for cover, plopping down underneath one of the board trees. Bucky doesn’t move. He just stands there in the rain, letting it soak him. He doesn’t remember the last time he actually got to enjoy the rain, as a functioning human, that is. 

 

He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. He tilts his head up toward the sky, letting the cool liquid splash on his face. Something starts to rumble deep within him after a few minutes, something deep in his soul. He drops his head and stares at his feet in the grass as his breathing starts to hurry. Tears sting at the back of his eyes as a rush of emotion, that he’s not used to, overtakes him. 

 

Panic attack, maybe? He can’t breathe all of a sudden, his hand and body start to shake. He slams his eyes shut again.  _ Breathe. Just breathe. _ His face breaks. He can’t control it. He can’t hold it in any longer. He starts to sob as he stands there in the rain. He cries for all of the years he lost, following  _ orders _ . He cries for all of the people he’s hurt, all of the families. He cries for the two dozen people that aren’t breathing anymore as a result of him. He cries for himself.

 

He stands there, bawling, letting the rain wash away all of his sins. He stands in his emotions for the first time since 1942; the last time he was truly just Bucky Barnes. He falls to his knees, and then back on his butt and just sits in the rain and cries. After awhile, it starts to feel good. He starts to feel… he starts to  _ feel _ . He leans up against the wooden fence he put up for the goats and lets the Winter Soldier wash away.

 

The skies clear after an hour or two. The birds start chirping again, a faint rainbow forms over the large pond that sits in front of his hut. Bucky’s exhausted now, having cried out seventy years worth of pain and humiliation. He trudges inside and strips down to nothing but his boxers. He wraps up in a blanket, his body starting to shiver slightly. He’s about to climb back into bed and forget this day, when a knock sounds on the side of the house. 

 

T’Challa peeks in, holding up a hand, a gentle smile on his face, “White wolf.”

 

Bucky clears his throat, dropping his head to let his hair hide his red eyes, “Hey, T’Challa.”

 

“Are you alright?” T’Challa’s voice is suddenly full of concern, “Did something happen?”

 

Bucky shakes his head, “No, no. I uh, I just got caught out the rain.”  _ Literally and figuratively. _

 

T’Challa knows he’s lying. Something happened, but he knows it was probably something that  _ needed  _ to happen. He clasps his hands behind his back and lets out a breath, that smile returning to his lips, “I’ve got a few minutes. Care to take a walk with me?”

 

Bucky blinks at him. He likes their walks. Most times, T’Challa does all of the talking, knowing that Bucky hasn’t really found all of the words yet. Bucky knows he’ll get there. He’ll find all of the words eventually. He nods slowly, standing up from the side of his bed, “One second.”

 

He changes quickly and moves back outside to join T’Challa as one of those famous Wakandan sunsets starts to break through the sky. T’Challa gives Bucky Shuri’s regards, and starts to complain about his day, lamenting about how every woman in his life was out to get him in one way or another today. Okoye was on his ass, Shuri all but cussed him out, and his mother, god, his mother! Bucky chuckles as he kicks at the small rocks beneath his feet. 

 

He likes it here in Wakanda.    



End file.
